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(no subject)

Jul. 2nd, 2006 | 08:50 am

I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.

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(no subject)

Jun. 22nd, 2006 | 09:48 am

and somehow, things are better. i'm not miserable. in fact, i may be happy. how odd.

this past semester was the worst i have ever done in school. i think my term gpa was ~1.4. trying to think of reasons why i may have done so poorly, but i can't remember.. i think it had something to do with the vegas trip that i went on with the wind symphony right before spring break. breaks are really bad for me because after they are over, i hate everything. just like this summer: after i came back from getting my scuba certification in mexico, i quit my job. i couldn't handle going back to the same shit. and now, just like last summer break, i want to change my major. i don't want to go back. i don't want to disappoint myself and everyone else again. at one of my last lessons, doctor hemphill gave me the "you're not living up to your potential" speech. and he was so right. i'm not sure how i need to do it exactly, but i need to commit to something and be fucking selfish about it. i need to make my success a priority. it's so obvious. i think part of my downfall is my emotions. i get so wrapped up in them like i'm a fish in a tiny bowl; everything is magnified, and there's nowhere to swim away to

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à l'intérieur ma tête

Mar. 21st, 2006 | 05:04 pm

it's snowing outside..well this you know. my redundant bullshit introduces more redundant bullshit. it's like reading a letter sent in the mail..either you receive money or outdated updates from someone you never see. well thanks for the thought.
"what is your favorite form of communication?" how about not..i mean i'm horrible at communicating. it all comes out wrong..and i suppose i am the most closed person to have ever existed. how did i ever end up this way? my childhood memories consist of living with my grandpa in phoenix. enduring hot summers and cold winters. he was too cheap to pay for heating or air conditioning..too cheap for most things, even genuine conversation. but maybe that's who he genuinely is. he only thinks about money and...that's it. oh and maybe the bullshit weather. so, i spent my childhood in his house surrounded by cats. i'm suprised i didn't turn into a cat honestly. they were everywhere and their smell was so strong.
no, i turned into my mom basically. she's so angry, yet holy. i don't think i understand it. she's wasting away to nothing.. she writes me an e-mail this mourning. and in every line you can tell how lonely she is. she concludes the letter by telling me, " You are an amazing young woman."
i'm an amazingly selfish bitch.

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(..!)

Mar. 5th, 2006 | 10:31 pm
music: anberlin

everything in its right place

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drab, dreary, dull...

Feb. 21st, 2006 | 08:19 pm
mood: y-es

dejected, depressed, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, dispirited, down-hearted, downcast, desolate

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(no subject)

Feb. 4th, 2006 | 07:41 pm

passion-less

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Like clay in a potters hands, mold me

Jan. 5th, 2006 | 11:38 pm

What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath.

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hundreds [goodbye]

Dec. 22nd, 2005 | 12:38 pm

i went to the golden budda the other day and when i opened my fortune cookie, it was empty.
ok, that could mean that i make my own fortune...
or it could mean that i'm fucking screwed.
i think it's the latter.

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funeral

Dec. 17th, 2005 | 02:25 pm

there's something about the conclusion of movies that i love. the music and the credits come in...and there is closure. it's that sort of "sigh" feeling. and then of course life is-alive for those few minutes. maybe your feelings are of happiness or sadness or fear..But, there is Emotion. and then the comparisons to your life start. and regrets; and dreams. and perhaps hopes.

hopes. like a dream, but less wonderful. you know, you hope you'll pass music history. but your dreams are so much bigger. they are your ideal/ the perfect...

i hope that the relationship i'm in will straighten up and fly right. (as for dreams...) cuz, honestly, i'm feeling pretty empty and i can't stop crying right now.



this is my life
i'm not who i want to be

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About Watches by Mattie Stepanek

Nov. 19th, 2005 | 11:08 pm

I like wearing
Lots of watches
For two reasons.
First,
If they are all set
A little different,
No one's ever
Too late, or
Too early, or
Right on time.
They just "are."
Second,
With all these
Watches on me,
It's like having
"All the time
In the world!"
And never having
To think about
The end of time,
Or about dying

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